I'm writing this on dA, even though I don't really use it anymore, so that I can link to it from everywhere and not have to post it in several places.

To all whom I have not talked to or seen in the past several weeks, to all whom I have been slightly edgy towards in the past couple weeks, to all whom I have been a complete jerk to for the past few weeks, I am sorry. I've been dealing with a lot of stress lately, and I'm trying my best to handle it. It's been leaking out into the rest of my life, and I shouldn't let that happen. However, I would like to take the opportunity to at least tell you what's been going on, so that if nothing else, people might possibly understand somewhat.

For those that I haven't talked to, you probably aren't aware of this first bit.

I have a girlfriend. Her name is Amanda. She's a first year at PVCC with me, and has a perfect 4.0 thusfar. She has been playing guitar for the past 4 years, and can sing while she does it. Her voice is very soft, smooth, and no matter how much she won't believe it, beautiful. She lives in Madison County, not quite two and a half miles away from Route 29, on 230. Her and her family all built their house that they live in now from scratch, and have made it into a beautiful home for them and friends as well. She has two younger sisters, ages 11 (Christine) and 9 (Rosemarie), as well as a 13-year-old brother (Johnny). They all sing and play musical instruments, as well as their mom. Walking into their home is like stepping into a scene from a Disney movie. Music is almost constantly in the air between guitar, piano, and singing. This is where I have been for the majority of the past month and six days, with Amanda.

For those of you who have been dealing with me being less than a good person in the past couple weeks, this is what has been causing me an untold source of stress.

Our relationship began in a rather less-than-ideal manner. After a big and messy ordeal involving my best friend, her, and myself, my best friend no longer talks to neither her nor myself, and the I and Amanda (obviously) are now dating. To say that I'm not happy, pleased, or content with the way this worked out would be a lie. I'm very glad I have her. However, I would have prefered for the three of us to all still be friends.

At first, we didn't tell her parents. She was afraid that her parents wouldn't approve (she's 16), and that she wouldn't be allowed to see me anymore at all. More so, she was afraid of something else, but we'll get to that later. When we first told them, it was a week into our relationship, which began April 3, 2008. Her parents said it was fine by them, and that their only concern was that at the time I was not a Christian (later on, this changed, and I have accepted Jesus Christ back into my life). Life was well for a little.

However, from this point, her little siblings started doing everything they could to be around us and within a few feet of us at all times, constantly staring at us. The only place in her house that is hers and hers alone to be in without everyone else, with any of her friends that are there is her room. Retreating there didn't work, as going in there just means they would stare in through the windows in her room or through the door to her room. Shutting the door, which she is allowed to do with any of her friends, is not allowed, and you can bet your honey buns that the blinds aren't either.

About another week into this, her parents went and talked to their pastor about "Kingsfest", a Christian Rock/Metal 3-day concert festival at King's Dominion here in Virginia. Really, they went to talk to Dwayne about us. Dwayne told them that so long as we know in our hearts that our being together is His will, that they need to respect that and leave us be, and not constantly be watching us and bugging us. This was very pleasing. Her mom would get after the kids for bothering us and the world was fine. This lasted a week.

Before we told her parents that we were going out, they trusted us together. However, since then they act as though they have slowly lost all sense of trust and respect toward us. They act as though they just don't want us together anymore. They're slowly and steadily trying to tear us apart. They have more than once put her in tears over things that have been said about us. They don't realise that all they are doing, is ruining any semblence of a relationship they have with either of us. They act like she's being some irresponsible 16-year-old like they were, and as though she's trying to ditch her family for me. They couldn't be more clueless about how they're driving her away and making our life a living hell.

They've decided that basically doing anything at all to express the fact that we care about each other before marriage is fornication and therefor sin and therefor not allowed. I'm still waiting for them to tell me we can't even look at each other. You know, I can understand don't kiss her in front of the kids or something. That makes sense. But heaven forbid that I should become so afraid that I'm literally shaking and she should hold me and try to take care of me. You know, they're right. In the Bible, God did say, "No matter what, you must not take care of anyone you care about in any way. Helping those important to you is a sin."

I am deathly afraid of tornadoes. Thursday night, there were tornado warnings pretty much everywhere I have family. In Fluvanna, where most of my family is, they even said they had circulation cells spotted. For those of you who don't know, the very next step is the tornado touches down. To make things worse, the storm was heading from Charlottesville, my home, north-east up to Madison, where I was with Amanda and her family that evening before I got a call from my mom saying that I should make sure it's okay with her before I leave and her mom said that I should just stay the night. I was feverish, clammy, sweating, freezing, shaking, and anything else I could possibly use to describe "deathly afraid". Amanda did everything she could to try to take care of me. She threw a blanket over me, held me, got a glass of cold water to drink to try to cool me down, took a damp cloth to help with me being clammy and sweating and everything, kept reassuring me that everything would be alright, etc. Friday night, her mom claims that what we just did was wrong and promiscuous. I'm sorry, but I really don't think that taking care of someone like that is the same as having sex. I'm sorry, but I really don't remember ever being taught that it's a sin to care for someone.

I've never once in my life wished I hadn't been honest about something. I've never once in my life wished I had lied to someone. Right now, that's what we both wish. We wish we never told them. We wish we'd lied to them and kept it a secret forever and told them we weren't. Right now, I don't care what I have to do, but I'm not giving her up because her parents are being the worst parents in the world.

So this is why I've been so cross toward everyone. I want to tell you I'm sorry. I hope you'll all forgive me.